Time to speak up

Despite what some people may think (and despite what I might  sometimes  like to think) about me, I am not a rebel. I do have strong opinions and am outspoken; especially when it comes to what I see as unfair or unjust behaviour from people or institutions. I have never been particularly swayed by any kind of “peer pressure” and I’ve always tried to be true to myself and be my own person; living as authentically as I can at each point of my life … which is, obviously, a continual quest. But I’m not rebellious. Never have been. I was Head Girl of my high school and that head girl-edness is still a part of who I am. I like to lead by example. I don’t like to upset or offend people deliberately. I put others before myself (at times to my own detriment – but I’m working on it 😉 ) and I try to remain respectful of others’ beliefs when they differ from my own. I think I’m a kind person and I try to be a good person. I’m also a deceptively conservative person, in many ways, and very private about some things. Perhaps all of this is why I have never publicly spoken up about being gay. (Well – this and also a “good girl” need to protect my mother, who is still learning to accept this part of me.)

However, as the events leading up to this year’s Durban Pride Parade get underway this week, I cannot shake the feeling that it is time for people like me to start making our voices heard. I’ve never been a banner-waving gay activist. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I’ve never before attended a Pride parade (despite having lived in San Francisco for over four years … I know … I know … ). But recent homophobic developments in Africa and also in my own country, South Africa, have caused a bit of a shift in me. Last night’s news report of yet another young lesbian gunned down in her home, simply because of her sexual orientation, was the last straw for me.

When I returned to South Africa at the end of 2004 I was filled with so much hope. We have an exemplary constitution that first world countries have used to update and remodel their own on. There was a wonderful feeling of, “We know we have so much still to do in this country, but we’re doing it!”. The 2010 World Soccer Cup made South Africans the poster children for friendliness, hospitality and inclusiveness. Gay couples who wish to can get married in South Africa. Gay teenagers are taking same-sex partners to matric farewells at some progressive schools … and it’s no big deal. Our post-apartheid constitution was the first in the world to outlaw discrimination based on sexual orientation. In May a South African  high commissioner on a United Nations panel, Navi Pillay, presented her report, calling for an end to the laws still criminalising homosexuality in 74 countries and the violence perpetrated against sexual minorities. This should be a good and safe country to live in as a gay person. As good and safe as it should be for everyone; married, single, men, women,Black, White, Indian, Coloured, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Atheist … and so on.

It SHOULD be because our constitution has made it illegal for it to be otherwise. It is also illegal to rape, murder, steal, break the speed limit, make corrupt arms deals … and so on.

I’m not going to depress my South African readers with a list of crime statistics. Suffice it to say that we are still the rape capital of the world; statistically, one in every two South African women can expect to be raped at least once in her lifetime. We’re number eight in terms of murder with Interpol reporting an average of 47 882 murders per year. (For my overseas readers – we have a population of about 50 million.) So yeah – what’s constitutionally “not allowed” and what happens in reality don’t always equate.

I don’t want to get into a negative discussion about crime and South Africa. I love this country. I hope so much that we can salvage the damage done by this particular regime and get back to the plans and dreams of Statesmen like Mandela, De Klerk, Sisulu, Tambo and their ilk. But there is so much pain and so much past damage still to heal. So, okay, as a white South African I guess I will forever wear the mantle of guilt about Apartheid (despite the fact that neither my family nor I ever supported it). I get why many black people are still angry at whiteys. Fair enough. But what’s with all the abuse towards black women? And what’s with all the homophobic hate crimes???

I am sick of hearing about yet another case of “corrective rape” in the townships. I cannot believe that any man would think that a women who is sexually attracted to other women would be all like, “Oh wow! I thought I was a lesbian, but now that I’ve been raped I really, really want to be with a man!” It’s just another excuse to rape and it disgusts me. I’m sick of hearing about young gay people being murdered because of their sexual orientation. It’s escalating, too. Last month a young man was decapitated. Yesterday a young woman was shot three times by a man who kicked her door in. Not that far away from us Uganda is calling for the death penalty for homosexuals. Right here at home, our National House of Traditional Leaders is lobbying for the protection of sexual orientation clause to be removed from our constitution. Homophobia is rife and not enough is being done to stop it.

I’m sick of it. I’m sick of having to bite my tongue and listen to people make homophobic remarks in my presence because it hasn’t occurred to them that I might be gay. I’m sick of young people becoming suicidal while they deal with coming to terms with their sexual orientation, while facing the possibility of losing friends and become pariahs in their families. I’m sick to my core at the thought that publishing this blog could put me, as a gay South African woman, at risk of physical harm. I’m sick of all the homophobic rubbish being spouted from pulpits. Newsflash: there is no “gay agenda”. None of us want to “convert” anyone – especially not your children. Most of us don’t want to “throw it in your face” or “make public spectacles” of ourselves. We do not lurk about waiting to pounce on every member of the same sex whom we encounter. Like everyone I know, gay or straight, we want what everyone wants: to be loved; to be accepted; to be left alone to live our lives in the best way we can.

So, this Saturday, June 30, I will be attending Durban Pride. My purpose in attending is two-fold:

1. I will be celebrating the human right to live in a country that’s constitution protects everyone’s right to love whom they want.
2. I will be supporting a movement that’s work is certainly nowhere near done in this country!

Throughout history, homosexuals have faced violence and discrimination based on their sexuality. The gay pride movement was developed as a response to this oppression. The gay pride movement has fought many significant battles to secure legal equality for gays in the workplace, housing, marriage rights and child custody rights.